Loud Thoughts

I have five film reviews to finish and my brain decided it wants to write something else. Normally these kinds of thoughts have to stay within the confines of my journals, but it's late and I'm feeling a little brave right now in the dark.

12:27 a.m.
What is it like to call
somebody else's arms "home",
and not your own
skin and bones?


1:02 a.m.
I want to find a tattoo he doesn’t tell anybody about: 
on his back or his torso, 
or somewhere along his spine 
and I would kiss it every night 
and try to see what it feels like 
to be forever etched onto his skin


1:45 a.m.
and I wonder if anyone could break my heart
as beautifully as you did

Ink and Paper

Because of my abnormal sleeping schedule and effed up body clock, I find it impossible to fall asleep before 11 in the evening. Which is a really bad and unhealthy practice especially now that the start of my classes is just right around the corner. 

But I've always been a nocturnal.

The daylight seems to always have put me on autopilot, on pause somehow. I can never get started on the things I want to right away because it always seems as if the couch is pulling me back down every time I try to stand up. I love the day time, don't get me wrong, but my brain feels idle when the sun's out. My brain hates the heat almost as much as I do.

Which is why I always study and do my homework past 6 in the afternoon because that's the time when I start to get into the "zone". When the sun comes down, my brain just jolts into full-on awareness and focus that it makes me giddy.

My best thoughts always come deep at night, too. When everything has settled down and not everyone's awake. My mind just blasts away and I'm convinced I can do anything I set my mind to. Except to solve math problems. I can never be good at that, daytime or nighttime. Let's get real.

 So I've had the habit of sleeping with a pen and my "thought notebook" just right above my head or on the shelf at the foot of my bed. Just in case I wouldn't get to sleep as soon as I expected to and I simply want to get something off my chest.

These are some of my "thoughts" last night that I scribbled down my thought notebook before I went to bed. 

10:54 p.m.

You're as close as you could be

like something within my reach.

Yet your absence haunts me

your voice echoes, not truly gone

your scent lingers and I'm not really alone.

The ghost of what used to be

and what should have been

is trapped within the walls of

"you could have" and

"but you didn't"

the sour words that tickle my tongue

the unspoken ones hung in the air

reaching out and stagnant

not moving, constantly still

You're miles away

but you're terrifyingly close.

You're as close as you could be

like something within my reach.

Only in my mind, maybe.

But that's good enough for me.

11:17 p.m.

It's hard to be a rose

in a basket full of tulips 

where the beauty of my petals

is shunned by my thorns.

i am feared to touch
and no one picks me up

so they opt for the tulips

with no walls to knock down

because a rose is too risky

to always have around. 

I think it's important to preserve your thoughts. I just think it's a great way to keep track of whatever it is that's been taking up so much space in your head. It personally makes me feel lighter and it's almost as good as talking to an old friend who understands. I like how it's just between me, a pen and a piece of paper. I could be pouring my heart out or telling the deepest secret I have and no one will ever know.

And through my thought notebook, I could just read my previous thoughts. Thoughts that I probably didn't share to anyone, yet inked in one of the pages of my notebook. It's basically like flipping through my mind which I find amusing. I could be thinking one thing, and the next I could just completely disagree. 

And I like how my thought notebook rests on a table in my room or occasionally on the shelf in the living room, unnoticed. The vault to my feelings and my unspoken words. I also like carrying it around, holding a part of me in my own two hands. 

Maybe I'm just weird and probably need to get out more, but there's something really special about the way my notebook is a home for my unspoken words.

I'll probably be sharing more of my written works in the future once I get over being too much of a wimp to let other people in on my mind. It's not like I'm gonna crack my skull open and let you rummage through my brain. I meant that more on the figurative side. ;)

Flower Child

Recently, the famous annual music and arts festival in California which is called Coachella, has successfully finished two phenomenal weekends. It was the best way to welcome the spring season as well as new fashion trends. There were a lot of celebrity sightings and I was really hooked on looking at Coachella photos for fashion ideas.

Cut-off shorts, crop tops, dip-dyed shirts -- it was all really eye-catching. But the one thing I really liked the most was the abundance of flowery patterns, designs and basically just flowers in general. 

A lot of celebrities were seen sporting different styles and combinations of flower crowns. Not only did I see it in Coachella, but also fashion sites like Lookbook. I was really into the way it can be paired with almost any outfit. It can either top chic-grunge outfits which I absolutely adore.

So I did some research as to what I'll need and how to make my own, the various combinations of the colors and kinds of flowers and what not. It took me a whole month before I could find the materials because there aren't really much art stores here that is accessible to me.

Either way, I did find the materials and I couldn't wait to get started. 

These are some nice kinds of flowers I've found and they come in small bundles. A bundle approximately costs 30 php, but of course it depends on the number and the size of the flowers. I also bought floral wires and floral tape. These are the basic materials you're going to need.

The floral wire I bought was really thin, and it wasn't the kind I was looking for but knowing I wouldn't find better alternatives, I went for it anyway. It wasn't enough to use just one wire so I decided to use the whole pack, twist them together and secure them with floral wire by wrapping it tightly around.

I measured the wire around my head and tried it on to see if it sits securely on my head. I then twisted the ends together and securing them again with floral tape. It's important to wrap it tightly so the wires won't poke your scalp when you're wearing it.

This is where the real fun starts! Come up with different ways of sequencing the flowers and how you want them to blend together. I tried various combinations on the table first before putting them on the actual crown to keep from damaging the stems. 

If you're happy with what your combination's going to be, start wrapping each flower carefully around the crown. Make sure to wrap the end tightly so it wouldn't stick to your scalp when it's sitting on your head. If you want extra security, wrap the edges with floral tape.

And this is what I came up with!

I love the dominant flowers -- the peachy, orangey ones and the white roses. Their colors really work together and remind me of summer and spring. I also added in filler flowers which are smaller red and white roses. There are also small gold flowers here and there and I think they all compliment each other.

It sort of sucks though that I wasn't able to find a brown floral wire because it would've added a touch of authenticity to the crown and it'd be much cuter sitting on my dark hair. But either way, I'm still happy with how it turned out.

And this is how it sits on my head!

I haven't had the chance to wear it out in public yet because I usually go out only to run errands. But I can't wait to wear it for the remaining days of Summer! It's the perfect way to get in touch with my feminine side without really having to be such a girly girl. Haha.

This was a good way to kill time and sort of let your flower-arranging skills shine. I'm glad our Home Economics teacher actually taught us flower arranging. I knew I was going to get to apply it someday somehow! 

Happy remaining-days-of-summer!