This post is actually 2 weeks late as I am known to be the least punctual person ever when it comes to uploading and posting (I'm working on it), but better late than never.
I thought turning 17 was the perfect excuse to ask my friends Earl and Steph to give me a hand in a mini-photoshoot. This, my friends, is where I finally live out my blogger dreams if only for 30 minutes. And I obviously look like I don't know what the hell I'm doing, which is totally true, but in my defense, all of these so-called poses are my attempts at looking like those girls on Seventeen magazine. It's a total bust.
Ah, seventeen. I'd like to say it's the comic sans of my teenage years. The age that doesn't have much significance -- just another year older from being sixteen. Except being seventeen entails a new level of maturity and emotional stability. Of course, the morning of my birthday I woke up feeling completely indifferent and unchanged which was a huge WHAT on my part. I look the same and feel the same. But I've been discussing that dilemma ad nauseam so I figured, why not try to be the glass half-full kind of person and focus on the things that finally separates the sixteen-year-old me from the seventeen-year-old me.
What good is a one year difference and why am I making yet another melodramatic teenage post about it, you say? Well, for starters, I'd like to think I went through interesting developments. I'm finally thrusting myself into situations beyond my comfort zone and I'm finally trusting myself enough to say "yes" to more things, which is huuuge considering how my mind automatically jumps to the worst-case scenarios once I walk into unknown territory. I'm learning to see these new experiences as opportunities to grow instead of opting to cower away. I'm learning to celebrate the little things that count -- like getting the right amount of sleep, finishing a challenging book, and the like.
And of course I feel like I can't get away with still being ~juvenile~, so I'm definitely, positively determined to find that right aura of sophistication if it's the last thing I do. This means being less of an obnoxious turd and more of a proper lady. Which, by the way, is going to be an extremely difficult challenge for me as I live off of sarcastic remarks and sardonic comebacks. Old habits die hard.
This is one of the few boundaries I dare not cross because the realm of love and relationships isn't exactly a walk in the park. I hardly ever thought about relationships before, much less tried to do anything about it, but the glaring absence of the ever-sappy "love life" has become such a big deal that it's impossible to ignore. It's as if everybody's somehow agreed that no teenage life is complete without the luxury of having a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm not exactly a frontrunner on the whole flirting thing, and it's a little silly, but I try to steer clear of the whole issue. Total blobfish feeling inside each time. What most people overlook is that 'being alone' and 'lonely' are two completely different things. So no, a love life is not some requirement or some item on a checklist, in order to be "happy".
Now normally, when faced between two decisions, I'm the type of person who always ends up choosing the wrong one. And believe me, if my instincts had a face, I would punch it. I would insert an anecdote or two, but that's not something I should advertise. My instincts aren't entirely the culprit of this situation, but also my sense of judgement. And mostly I think it's my indecisiveness, but point being, unless the situation drastically calls for it, I should second-guess my instincts. Yep.
And now to wrap it all up, I guess I don't have to be what everybody else needs me to be. If there's anytime to figure out who I really am and what I really want, it's now. And I don't need to depend my self-worth on anybody else but me. If there's anything I've realized is that people shouldn't get to tell you what you're worth, but rather the other way around. And this is probably some lame, teenager-meets-the-world kind of shit, but I'm a firm believer in being nobody but myself. Even if I don't like myself all the time, I'm learning not to beat myself up too much about it.
In conclusion, I'm in my 2nd week of being seventeen. I'm probably gonna screw up a couple of times and as far as cheesy posts go, well, que sera, sera.
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